MILK MUSIC
				    
The German study concluded  
that cows produce more milk with Mozart 
fluting through the barns, and that 
heavy metal dries them up. 
But so what? 
So what about snobby German opera cows, 
I suppose they'd produce even more if they were outfitted in  
        pearls and pink taffeta. 
Let's hear from scientists in the Bronx,  
what do they say about their cows? 
Call the doctors down in Watts or Lubbock, 
let's see what them Mississippi cows have to say about Wolfgang. 
And don't stop there, play some salsa for the Tejano longhorns, 
disco for the jerseys in Hackensack, 
chants and drums for the Brahmans, 
I don't know what the hell you'd play for Canadian cows, 
but I bet Willie Nelson can make some milk in Amarillo 
and Pink Floyd'll keep suburban Omaha on a lactose high; 
play them bagpipes, play them pan pipes, organs, accordions, and  
        bass guitars, 
forget the Billboard charts, forget record sales and FM radio  
        requests, 
let's see listings by "Gallons produced", 
ditch gold and platinum for whole and two-percent, 
give us calcium, 
let the cream rise to the top!